The Life of a Military Spouse

I have always wondered how I would tell my story and if I would be able to convey everything accurately. The truth is, over time everything blends together. Time often feels like it is standing still during the difficult times. Then it feels like it is flying by and you cannot get enough of the moments that you spend together where life is falling into place. There are various aspects of my story as a military spouse. The one that feels the most important to tell is the one that led me to creating Intentionally Healed LLC. While this truly does begin with my childhood, I learned the most as a Special Forces military spouse and that is what I want to highlight.

We come into this community with different backgrounds and life experiences. These experiences shape our perception and decision making . Military spouses seldom get the care they need since the priority is on the service member. The gap in this thinking has created a mental health problem within the community because spouse are living in a state of chronic stress. I know my story and I have records of countless women that either have in the past struggled with stress and mental health or are currently facing these issues. For those who have childhood trauma coupled with a Special Operations Forces (SOF) lifestyle it is no wonder that we are facing these issues.

Womack 2014 where he had surgery on his leg and foot from his HALO accident. As you can see he is still drugged from the surgery.

When my husband was injured in a HALO accident we had been married less than a year and he was fresh out of the Q course. So, fresh that because of the way that things went he actually went to HALO school before he crutched his way across the stage. He sat in the crowd with his peers and dawned the green beret in a wheel chair. When he was injured there wasn’t anyone to help me. We did have friends who would stop by on occasion but most of them moved on to their selected groups and before you know it life moves on. This left me to do everything. Although this wasn't the first time that I had taken care of someone who was injured in my life, this was hard because I was also dealing with a lot of problems with both of our families. No one ever asked how I was doing. No one ever relieved me unless I had to run to the grocery store. Where the stress hit me and I could cry because at home I had to keep it together for my husband. He had spent five days in the hospital from the surgery on his foot and opposite leg. He came home with two boots that turned into two casts and then to one cast on his leg while his foot took longer to heal. It took a year for his body to heal and for him to be put back on active duty.

Shortly after his return to active duty he was given orders and we had two weeks to pack up and move. He deployed one month after moving to a new state. Thankfully I was able to get to know some of the other team wives while he was deployed. During his deployment his grandfather passed away and he came home to go to the funeral. He missed his flight from Washington DC to Nashville. He got on the next flight to St. Louis and I pulled into the airport waiting lot as his flight landed. The next morning we continued the drive to make make it to the wake and funeral service. After the service we didn’t go home right away. Any spouse will tell you that reintergration is hard on the families. It takes time to adjust and get to know each other again. I just wanted time with my husband. After a week or so we left and headed back home. He ended up staying behind to go to fill a spot at a school. I’m not sure how long he had actually been home but it feels like we didn’t have time to breathe before a friend of ours was KIA. When someone is killed in action, it hits you different.

We thought that he would have many more deployments, that didn't happen. Quickly after this he began to lose weight rapidly. His symptoms told me that he was dealing with an autoimmune disease and later that would turn out to be true. He spent almost two years trying to get one medication to work so that he could go back to a team and deploy again. After missing two deployments because his body wasn’t responding to the medication he was moved off of the team. There is a devastation that comes with this. His body struggled with the meds and he had to take prednisone with it to boost the medication for Ulcerative Colitis. At Christmas he was fully tapered off of the second round of trying these together and he ended up in the hospital for five days with drug induced pancreatitis. We had a hard conversation around what to do and ultimately chose that he needed to be able to have a life of quality. At this time we also added in function medicine to the mix for his care. I will forever be grateful for this decision. During this time he was dealing with the worst flare up we had ever seen him have from the UC.

The amount of chronic stress that I was under for this prolonged period of time put me into kidney failure. It was caught early on and I was able to reverse it through dietary and lifestyle changes. This is what happens eventually when a person is under extreme amount of stress for a long time. There is no way to tell how long someone can live like this. However, it does catch up to you and you feel symptoms, the burnout, and eventually the body begins to shut down. It has been seven years since his accident and I’m just now feeling like things are coming together. Throughout all of this we learned the importance that nutrition plays in all aspects of healing. It takes a village to care for one another. Just like it takes more than one healing modality to heal yourself.

We went through a lot individually and as a couple. We learned a lot. We grew up and we are currently both making career changes. He took all of the prerequisites for Medical School and is now going through the process of getting into a school while getting out of the military after serving for 14 years. I went to school and earned the designation Nutritional Therapy Practitioner and I’m a RESTART® instructor. I have created Intentionally Healed LLC to help fill the gap in care for military spouses. I couldn’t conceptualize the impact of being under this much stress for so long had on my overall well-being. Once I made the connection between nourishing the body and its ability to help lower stress I knew that this was something that I needed to focus on for military spouses. Intentionally Healed LLC is making a positive impact on spouses today. This will continue to positively impact the readiness of our armed forces families.

-Christina Kieler